Some things

I don't know what to right; I have rewritten this blog post 3 times already and I hate each one.

I hate that we as a country feel so lost.

I hate that a fully qualified person lost a race that she should have won.

I hate how scared I am for my friends.

I hate feeling like I am not doing enough.

Yesterday, someone posted a video about the difference between 

"non" racist and "anti" racists.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/video/2016/jan/13/marlon-james-are-you-racist-video

And it really struck a cord with me because for a long time I feel like I was a "non" and I can't be that anymore.  I can't just stand by while a group tries to take away my rights, the rights of my friends, and discredit my career and scientific proof of things that cannot be denied.

And I know this feels like yet another straight white woman joining the fight but damn it guys I'm sick of me.  I'm sick of just being a clicktivist.  

I am going to the Women's March tomorrow in Chicago and for the first time ever; I am standing with a group making my voice heard.  I'm tired of trying to be perfect.  I tired of being quiet.  I am going to (respectfully) raise hell and be noisy because too many women (and men) have fought for my fight to be so and to many people's voices are being made silent.

http://ew.com/tv/2017/01/12/black-ish-donald-trump-election/

It is time to make noise and to "provoke outrage, outright".

I don't want us to get into fistacuffs, I don't want there to be violence, I want there to be a mutual exchange of respect and understanding.  Respect isn't just given out though, it has to be earned.

And if this ends up going okay, and people don't lose all of their rights and we have to eat our words I will gladly eat my boot and say I am wrong.  But while I am an optimist I am also a realist....and it's always best to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

Be a light to others, hug your loved ones, share kindness with a stranger, let people know they are not along.  It's going to be an interesting 4 years.

Actress On The Run

A start

Hello friends,

Well, it happened.  The Muddy Mortal Transformation Challenge has begun and we had to share photos (not on the Facebook page, thank goodness) but since strangers have seen them I thought you, readers, should see them too.  Sorry not sorry?

See, I really hate these photos; I am curvy in places I don't like and the lack of self-love and care is just SO EVIDENT it makes me mad; I haven't learned how to love myself yet.  I'm trying to learn how to not focus on a number and to just go on how I feel...but I don't feel super awesome right now.  I'm so excited; I'm working on some really great theatre and figuring out things for the documentary...but I just feel stuck.  I don't know if it's because I dreamed up when I was younger that I would be in such a different place than I am in now.  Maybe I am scared that I'm just not good enough...of all of it.  It's a hard thing to wrap your head around when you're directing a film on changing how media perceives people but I keep comparing myself to the media and to other people in my life.  It's humbling and sad that at 27 I'm making the first steps towards truly loving myself...which is like 1/2 a baby step at a time.

The new show I am working on is called "ID" and it deals with how you identify yourself and how others label you (super diluted, not actually their concept statement but now you have a rough idea) and it's proving more difficult than I thought it would be.  We had to do a writing exercise and I ended up just writing curse words and venting anger...which is good to get out but I'm not sure where it all came from.  I have always fought labels but at the same time have put to much into them; I am the good girl at home, I am a wife, an actress, a friend, etc etc but I don't know how I would label myself not through the lens of others.  People see me as a goody-goody; is that right? Am I truly that?  What is a label? Are they necessary? Where do I fit with it?  Stuff that I have been struggling with since I was in high school has decided to perk it's head up...and I just hope that I'm more ready to fight it now.  I was not popular in high school but around sophomore/junior year I decided that I didn't care and that I liked me...and it stayed with me all throughout college for the most part.  But I think in the move to Chicago and all of the wonderful life things that have happened since then...I've forgotten why I decided I liked myself.  I wish I could be like Gabourey Sidibe and just be like "One day I decided I liked myself and that was it." and it be that easy.  I'm trying.  I'm trying every day.  But I guess I need to remember that we get to choose every day how we approach our life.  It's the most important one we make and its one I think we all forget to do.  We have a lot of power...if we're willing to step up.

Come see us! Two rehearsals in and it's already awesome :)

So, I'm going to look at those photos and while I don't like them (at all) I will respect that that is where I am at; and do what I think is best to get to where I want to go.  And, hopefully, our check in picture will be a little different.

Ta-ta for now.
Actress on the Run

Hello there

Hey everyone!


So...it's been a bit. Only a bit...

It's been over a year.

Over a year of not writing, not really running, and just sorta forgetting about this blog.


I'm sure none of you have missed it but I came across one of my old post during a Facebook memories session and I realized that I do miss it; I miss blogging.  And I am starting a new healthy living/exercise thing and I thought maybe people would be interested in hearing my opinion on it etc.


Also, it will probably keep me more honest.

So, first things first:  while 2016 had absolutely no races at all, 2017 has at least 1 and possibly another in November.  Plus I am working on a documentary.  And am currently in two shows.  And attending 3 weddings in the next year.

So...I'm not busy at all :P

But I decided earlier December 2016 that with me turning 27 (which is not old but for some reason that age just holds something for me) I decided I was going to start getting healthier and learning to love my body more.

Let me explain:

I like being strong and being a runner and all of the benefits that come from being healthy; but I know that I CANNOT cut out foods from my life...it won't work.  I'll binge later or just not care and that's how I got to the shape I am in now (which isn't super bad...just more fluffy).  And it had gotten too cold to go running outside (or I was too out of practice...anyways).  But we have these stairs at work and I decided that if it was too cold to work out outside...I'd just bring the workout to the inside. 

My new gym

It has been interesting to say the least; I have found 5 good workout plans on Pintrest that I'm liking so far and I've been at it for a total of two weeks; not very long but a start since my job is nothing but sitting down now.  My co-workers seem impressed and while I'm doing it for me, the ego boost is definitely welcomed.  I'm not 100% sure what I'll do when it gets warm out but as of now I am liking how is going.

Upper body workouts got me like...ugh...

The race I am running is called Muddy Mortal and it's a Harry Potter inspired obstacle race and I am super excited (and a little nervous) because I have never done a race with obstacles before.  But if I did a half marathon I can do this! (Right?) But I am joining their little 12 week "Get Fit" program because:
1) It's free
2) It'll help me stay accountable

And I am in a couple of shows so you'll be getting updates on that as well!  But I think this post is probably long enough right now...so I'll say adieu and I promise not to wait a year to post again.

Ta-ta!
Actress on the Run