Shopping Thoughts

Hey Everyone!

I am currently home for Christmas so I will try to keep this post shorter; this one won't be about running (I am still putting off the dreaded 7 mile run...) but more about an experience and an epiphany I had while shopping today.

Now- shopping with my sister and my mom is one of my favorite things to do. We always grab coffees, we try on things we don't need, and try to buy more useful than frivolous things. The mall was decorated for Christmas so it was super festive. And most of the day was fun...but I let a black spot get in my way.

Here's the story- I found the perfect jeans at American Eagle. They were the only pair in the store and online and they fit perfect! I know, sounds like such a black spot eh? Let me continue- these jeans, even though they are perfect, are a size bigger than I wanted to wear. But I am 24 now, I am trying to accept that I am no longer my high school size. They looked good, I looked good in them, perfect. And it was done. But the rest of the day...nothing looked good on me. I, at one point, actually said to my mom and sister that I looked like I was trying to squeeze into a toddler's dress and I don't know what about that statement hit me but when I got to the dressing room, I started crying. Like crying in public. People who know me who are reading this know I don't cry very easily...so this was a thing. I, in that moment, realized how horrible and mean I was being to myself. No one said I looked bad, they just didn't like the style on me. And it was hard going to store after store not looking good in anything I wanted to look good in. But me cutting down myself...I expect the world to do that. It kinda comes with the territory of being an actress. You learn just to trust your gut and believe in your work and to hell with the haters. But I wasn't even being criticized, it was like my high school self saying that I wasn't good enough. And to hear that from your own head is hard to hear. My sister and mom, of course, was wondering was wrong and I was embarrassed to tell them why. But I did and my  mom said "We all have days like that" and later my sister said "You just have to stop doing that to yourself". And it was like a light bulb, like those things you knew you knew but you just needed help remembering.

I was reminded of how much I care about that damn number on the tag and how stupid it is to care. I mean, my goodness, it's different from each store! No wonder women and men are so self-conscious and worried and freaking out and doing crash diets...there is no bar. There is no set guideline. And it's stupid...I don't want to feel great in one store trying on stuff and then like shit in another because of sizing. And I know I need to exercise more and eat healthier. It's not my favorite thing but I need too not just for my job and to be competitive, but for me to feel confident. I am not longer gunning for a certain size...though I might still be aiming for a certain weight (we'll see) but I will now be aiming for feeling healthy. But would it kill the fashion world to have one set guideline? I mean really...if we can have rules for all the nation's I think we could decide on a standard for sizing...(rant over).

I wanted to write this because with Christmas and all the other holidays that are happening (and happened) this December I am willing to bet that more than a few of us are feeling discouraged. Not only by lack of exercise but by how we feel. Maybe even guilt for eating what we wanted. But I want to encourage you (and I) to stop feeling that way. So we ate to much, we'll will eat healthier at the next meal. Feeling sluggish? Take a walk! Or even just move around a bit. And let's start thing about the new year a little earlier and start setting goals that are a little more attainable (New Year's Resolutions will be a different post).  And if you want to connect, PLEASE Facebook me! Or message me through my actor's page. Or leave a comment. Maybe I can help you. Hell, maybe you can help me. But let's just remember that we are worth so much more than that stupid number on our tags. And just think- if we can get into a mental mindset of health instead of skinny...who can and could we influence? Our children? Our friends? Family? Co-workers? Just a thought...

I won't be advertising this on Facebook- it seems a little downer for right before Christmas. So, Merry Christmas to everyone! And to those who celebrate Kwanzaa, Happy Kwanzaa! And to those who celebrated Hanukkah, happy belated Hanukkah! And to those who don't celebrate at all...Season's Greetings! May you all be by loved ones during this time.

Until next time, keep running (and just generally being)strong!

Actress on the Run

P.S.
 After my confession to my sister and mom, I later found cute clothes at the last store we went too...just think of what a mindset change can do :)